How having kids is like a daily Presidential Debate.

I didn't need to watch the Presidential Debate tonight on television. I live it every day with my kids.

 Medical Care:

Kid's Platform: I need a popsicle and half a box of band-aids for that teeny tiny scratch on my knee from three months ago. Screaming and tears will be a             big part of this as well.

My Platform:  Nothing is swollen. Nothing is turning blue. There is no bleeding. Suck it up, you're fine. Oh, and I ate the last popsicle.

Domestic Policy:

Kid's Platform: I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to pick up my toys. I don't want to share my toys. I don't want to eat that for dinner. I'm doing to pull the dog's tail. I will jump on my bed, but try to sleep in yours.

My Platform: Go to sleep. I'll throw your toys into a trash bag. If you don't share, I'll give your sister/brother those toys in question. Eat what I cook or starve. The dog is not the rope in a tug-o-war game. Your bed will break, and like hell will you sleep in my room even if it does. It's called a tent. On the floor. Too bad.

Foreign Policy:

Kid's Platform: Let's go to the toy store. Can we go on a trip? Where are we going for dinner? I will attempt to throw a fit if I feel these needs are not adequately met.

My Platform: It's not your birthday or Christmas; so no. With what money and gas? I am not outsourcing my dinner when I can make it at home. Oh, throw a fit while we're out  and I'll take your little ass right back home. Children who forget their manners are not welcome out in public.

Economics:

Kid's Platform: I have no concept of money. Isn't it supposed to fall off that tree in the backyard? ...Or grow in my piggy bank? Can we buy EVERY toy I see on TV?

My Platform: We're poor. Get used to it.

The "War on Women":

Kid's Platform: Do not cross my daughter She's two and has made grown men weep in the corner in fear.

My Platform: She learned it by watching me.